Midget sex pt 2 tonight
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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