Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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