there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize