the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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