When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
