Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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