She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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