dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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