Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize