Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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