so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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