it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize