I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
