im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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