Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
