Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
