White coat. Heels.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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