I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
