I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
