I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
