Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
