You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
