Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
