I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
