True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
