Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
