Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
