wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
