I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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