At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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