hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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