He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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