Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
