What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
