Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
