Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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