I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
