i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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