so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
