I puked a lego.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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