new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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