he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
