I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
