soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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