sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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