2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
