meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
