I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
