just come out here and I will go home with you...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
