I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
