When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
