he puts the penis in happiness.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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