he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
