You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
