I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Terrible idea I love it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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