This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck appropriateness.
In America we eat man semen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize