I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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