i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
