He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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