I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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