I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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