Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
