Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
