whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
