Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
