3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
