sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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