i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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