Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
tell your sister to shave her snatch
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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