What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
