that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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