True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
