The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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