cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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