whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize