I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
