Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
