90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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