I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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