your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
