My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
