Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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