your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
