i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
