just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
