First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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