I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
