i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Houston, we have a blender
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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