My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize