Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So many bounce houses so little time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
